my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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