Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
