I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So I just went to clothing optional bar
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
