Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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