It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
