he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
