walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
