i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
