see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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