I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
