hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
