Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
