I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
