He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
whose ass print is on the piano?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
