I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
