everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
