I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
