I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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