The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
