I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
