its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
