Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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