I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
