good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
