she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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