I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
