My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
