HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
