Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
