I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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