is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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