I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
