so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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