I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
