I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
