Barsexuality is the new black.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
