My room smells like vodka and shame
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
