tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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