sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
