I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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