Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
