So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
