Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
