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So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
you never un-have a 4some
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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