I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
