Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
