Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
