what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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