I think I died a long time ago.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
