Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love having hate sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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